I hate feeling like this. Like I’m losing myself. Funny thing is, I didn’t really know who I was to begin with, I just know that this isn’t me and I’m lost. Completely and Utterly lost. And I’m pretty sure I’m losing my hope. I’m drowning in hopelessness. And it feels like either no one understands, or they just don’t give a shit. I can’t talk to my husband, cuz he just doesn’t get it. Besides, I’m always reassuring him that everything is going to be ok, so I have to live up to that, right? But honestly, I’m sick of being the strong one. I’m always reassuring him, but who the hell is going to reassure me?! I need to know that everything’s going to be ok, and not just because I said it is. I do feel a little better getting this off my chest, even if no one’s going to read it. Now I know why people keep journals. I’m still fucked in the head, but I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.
Some people are just effing stupid. Or am I the only one that thinks allowing your 35 year old, crackhead son to move back in and share a room with his 14 year old daughter is wrong? Oh, and if that’s not bad enough, let’s allow his girlfriend to stay the night in there too!! Really, people?! C’mon now, we all know what they’re going to do. Who can think it’s ok to have sex in the same room as your 14 year old, sleeping or not?! I won’t even have sex in the same room as my 4 year old. This isn’t the first questionable decision they’ve made either. They have also allowed their 13 year old grandson to stay the night, along with one of their 14 year old granddaughters friends, and they all three slept on the same room!! How can you think that is ok?! If I found out that there was a boy sleeping kn the same room as my tween daughter, I would be pissed!! Let me remind you that my in-laws are raising the 14 year girl, and that my husband, kids and live there as well. When this “sleepover” happened, they were out of town (which doesn’t leave us in charge of her), and he boys mom, my husband’s sister, knew her parents were gone and that the friend would be staying he night, and that they would have virtually no supervision!!! It’s not like we could tell them what to do, cuz they’re disrespectful, spoiler little brats, and, in their words, we “can’t tell them what to do”, cuz we’re “not their parents”. What would’ve happened if we hadn’t been living here?? Would they still have left their granddaughter home alone?? I doubt it, but at the same time, we’re “not in charge”. Whatever. It’s a bunch of bullshit. They just like to take advantage of us. I can’t wait til we can move out, then they’ll realize that we do a lot more than they say we do. I think that’s all my ranting for today. Next time: the blatant favoritism for everyone else’s kids but ours.
rachelcastro 